These are some of the things I've learned over the last few years. A lot of them are generic and can apply to anyone. Others are specific to me and my situation. Take away what you find useful.
The 3 P's of Productivity:
What is the Purpose?
What is the Process?
What is the Product?
The 4 Agreements:
Always do your best.
Don't make assumptions.
Be impeccable with your word.
Don't take anything personally.
The 5 Languages of Love:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Physical Touch Accountability formula:
DO IT! Step Left
Problem: The sense of unease that occurs when your beliefs do not match your actions.
False Solution: Obtain absolution (forgiveness by a disinterested 3rd party) and repeat your actions ad nauseum.
Change either your actions or your beliefs. Addiction Models:
There are no large or small agreements, only large and small consequences.
ask “What's Changed?”
I will ask “What's changed?” when I perceive repetitive complaining. The goal is to see if there are any expectations that can be met or to seek clarity that the person simply wants to be heard.
Responding to the speaker in ways which indicate that you care about what is being said.
Giving them every opportunity to complete their train of thought.
Letting the speaker know you are focused on their feelings and intend to understand their point.
Authentic Listening, How To:
Watch your body language.
Maintain eye contact.
Watch your posture.
Ask questions when you don't understand or need clarification.
Put on their shoes—put yourself in the other person's place so you can relate.
Control your emotions. Leave behind worries, fears, anger and problems.
“Fill in the blanks.” What is not said is often times more important than what is said.
Close your mouth—this means
listening! Bradshaw Model:
Elements of Addiction:
Our Family Purpose is to Hear, Love & Support each other.
Rebel / Scapegoat
Adjuster / Lost Child
Placator / Mascot / Joker
My Personal Values:
Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.
“I don't like what you are doing right now.”
Avoids labeling, avoids not liking the person, avoids generalization of duration.
Purpose: answers the question
Why? Vision: answers the question
What will it look like? Energy: must either be
Emotional or Physical energy to drive the process. Commitment: What is your level of commitment?
Mechanism: How will you accomplish this? This is the
least important question. Levels of Commitment:
+5 Do What It Takes
+4 Going For It Until...
+3 Great Idea, Some Action
+2 Good For Others, I'm Fine.
+1 Compliance / Obedience
0 Neutrality. Do It or Not.
−1 Apathy / Pessimistic
−2 Passive Resistance. Denial, Self Sabotage.
−3 Active Resistance, Committed to Something Else
−4 Battle, Prove It Mode
−5 War. DWIT To Be Right Limitations:
If I argue for my limitations, then I will have them!
I am a Strong, Caring and Joyful man!
my new Number/Name:
I am a great communicator.
I am teaching myself and others to Learn, Laugh, Love & Live.
These are the 5 basic needs. Everything else are merely
wants. Speech Acts:
Agreements / Promises
There are no accidents.
What are my intentions?
Based on results, I have exactly what I intended.
What do I create?
What I create in Discovery is a mirror of what I create in my life.
What do I have?
I either have my reasons, stories and excuses OR I have the results I say I want!
What is learned?
That which is not acted upon is not learned.
What is the purpose of education?
The purpose of education is to unsettle the mind.
When can I grow?
Growth can only occur when I am uncomfortable.
Who runs the family?
In the absence of clear boundaries and reasonable rules which are consistently enforced then children—not parents—run the family.
I am producing the Results, Experiences, Relationships and Quality of life that enhance my life and life around me.
If I make choices that enhance my life, then those are Working Choices. If I make any other choices, then those other choices will not enhance my life, and are thus Non Working Choices.
Evolution by Dove
"No wonder our perception of beaurty is distorted."