These are some of the things I've learned over the last few years. A lot of them are generic and can apply to anyone. Others are specific to me and my situation. Take away what you find useful.

The 3 P's of Productivity:

• What is the Purpose?
• What is the Process?
• What is the Product?

The 4 Agreements:

• Always do your best.
• Don't make assumptions.
• Be impeccable with your word.
• Don't take anything personally.

The 5 Languages of Love:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

Accountability formula:

1. Stop
2. Look
3. Choose
4. Vote
5. DO IT!
6. Step Left

Guilt:

Addiction Models:

• Impaired
• Dry Moral
• Wet Moral
• Old Medical
• AA Model
• Psychodynamic
• Family Systems
• Behaivorists

Agreements

There are no large or small agreements, only large and small consequences.

ask “What's Changed?”

I will ask “What's changed?” when I perceive repetitive complaining. The goal is to see if there are any expectations that can be met or to seek clarity that the person simply wants to be heard.

Authentic Listening:

• Responding to the speaker in ways which indicate that you care about what is being said.
• Giving them every opportunity to complete their train of thought.
• Letting the speaker know you are focused on their feelings and intend to understand their point.

Authentic Listening, How To:

• Watch your body language.
• Maintain eye contact.
• Smile.
• Watch your posture.
• Ask questions when you don't understand or need clarification.
• Put on their shoes—put yourself in the other person's place so you can relate.
• Control your emotions.  Leave behind worries, fears, anger and problems.
• “Fill in the blanks.”  What is not said is often times more important than what is said.
• Close your mouth—this means listening!

Bradshaw Model:

• I Saw/Heard
• I Interpreted/Felt
• I Want
• I Learned

Communication Styles:

Elements of Addiction:

• Repetitive
• Degenerative
• Unmanageable
• Medicative
• Destructive

Family Purpose:

Our Family Purpose is to Hear, Love & Support each other.

Family Roles:

• Hero
• Rebel / Scapegoat
• Adjuster / Lost Child
• Placator / Mascot / Joker

My Personal Values:

• Kindness
• Integrity
• Respect
• Accountability
• Honesty

Feedback:

• Factual
• Observable
• Respectful
• Measurable
• Specific

Forgiveness:

Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.

“I don't like what you are doing right now.”

Avoids labeling, avoids not liking the person, avoids generalization of duration.

Intention

1. Purpose: answers the question Why?
2. Vision: answers the question What will it look like?
3. Energy: must either be Emotional or Physical energy to drive the process.
4. Commitment: What is your level of commitment?
5. Mechanism: How will you accomplish this? This is the least important question.

Levels of Commitment:

• +5 Do What It Takes
• +4 Going For It Until...
• +3 Great Idea, Some Action
• +2 Good For Others, I'm Fine.
• +1 Compliance / Obedience
•    0 Neutrality. Do It or Not.
• −1 Apathy / Pessimistic
• −2 Passive Resistance. Denial, Self Sabotage.
• −3 Active Resistance, Committed to Something Else
• −4 Battle, Prove It Mode
• −5 War. DWIT To Be Right

Limitations:

If I argue for my limitations, then I will have them!

Listenting Styles:

• Appreciative
• Empathic
• Discerning
• Comprehensive
• Evaluative

My Contract:

I am a Strong, Caring and Joyful man!

my new Number/Name:

I am a great communicator.

My Purpose:

I am teaching myself and others to Learn, Laugh, Love & Live.

SMART Goal:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Aligned
• Reach
• Time frame

Needs

• Air
• Water
• Food
• Shelter
• Sleep

These are the 5 basic needs. Everything else are merely wants.

Speech Acts:

• Agreements / Promises
• Requests
• Declaration
• Assertion

There are no accidents.

What are my intentions?

Based on results, I have exactly what I intended.

What do I create?

What I create in Discovery is a mirror of what I create in my life.

What do I have?

I either have my reasons, stories and excuses OR I have the results I say I want!

What is learned?

That which is not acted upon is not learned.

What is the purpose of education?

The purpose of education is to unsettle the mind.

When can I grow?

Growth can only occur when I am uncomfortable.

Who runs the family?

In the absence of clear boundaries and reasonable rules which are consistently enforced then children—not parents—run the family.

I am producing the Results, Experiences, Relationships and Quality of life that enhance my life and life around me.
If I make choices that enhance my life, then those are Working Choices.
If I make any other choices, then those other choices will not enhance my life, and are thus Non Working Choices.

Evolution by Dove

"No wonder our perception of beaurty is distorted."